The Quiet Revolution of “I Am Second.”
In a culture that constantly screams, “You first! Get yours! Be special! Stand out!”, there’s a quieter, more profound revolution brewing. It’s not about renouncing your worth or dimming your light. Instead, it’s about a radical reorientation of your focus, a gentle yet powerful shift from “I Am First” to the liberating truth of “I Am Second.”
For too long, the pursuit of personal gratification, the relentless focus on our individual needs and desires, has been heralded as the ultimate path to happiness. We’re told to chase our dreams and optimize our selves above all else. And while ambition and self-care are indeed vital, an over-focus on the self can, ironically, lead to a profound spiritual and emotional malaise. It can leave us feeling isolated, unfulfilled, and perpetually grasping for something just out of reach.
The “I Am First” game can be a lonely and brittle existence. Life is seen from a relativistic lens. When contentment is judged relative to what others’ have or don’t have, a devious little competitive spirit can take over that measures worth through comparisons (me vs. you).
It can lead to a dreadful loss of purpose. When our world revolves solely around our own orbit, we replace spiritual needs with personal “wants.” Worse, we can develop a codependence on our achievements. The logic goes: without our achievements, what are we? Boring? Blah? Vanilla? We ask what will my legacy be? To this point, we may have learned that achievements give us worth and value and respect. They win the attention of our dinner guests.
But our trophy cases only tell one story. Deep down, that unjaded spirit within us knows we’re playing a much grander game.
For years, I kept an obituary page from a local newspaper featuring two men. One, a prestigious physician who died in his eighties. The other, a garbage collector who died in his early sixties. The physician’s obit was a long list of degrees, high office appointments and achievements. Impressive, for sure.
The garbage collector? No achievements. He didn’t finish high school. He rode on the back of garbage trucks for decades, which probably hastened his demise. However, he was well-known in the income-poor communities he serviced because he had cultivated a savvy and popular skill: he re-purposed toys that had been thrown away, giving them to children who waited on the sidewalks for the garbage man to arrive. Hundreds, if not thousands, of children would one day bring their children out to the sidewalks before the school bus arrived to await the garbage man. Simply, he was a garbage man who brought joy to children.
This anonymous garbage collector visits me sometimes when I quietly bristle over not having enough. He reminds me I’m stuck in the small game. He reminds me that life’s most profound game can be captured in a surprisingly simple equation: when you give, you don’t subtract–you multiply.
In being second, what do you want to multiply?
Just ask your inner garbage collector. It’s there. I’m sure.
To be second is not a “poor me” position. It’s not about self-abnegation or becoming a martyr to others’ whims. It’s not about avoiding moments to assert yourself or ceding your inner authority. Quite the opposite. It’s a powerful act of perspective, a deliberate choice to align yourself with a larger current of goodness.
Join the Quiet Revolution
To be second is to adopt a mindset of giving. Often, it’s about generously pouring yourself into:
- Family: Recognizing that our well-being is inextricably linked to the well-being of those we love and should love. If the spiritual and personal development path holds any real meaning in the 2020’s, the family umbrella must include everyone worthy of our kind presence, if not outright love, no matter their social, political, ethnic, gender or whatever affiliation. The perhaps controversial message is this: we can’t really show up for ourselves unless we show up for others. This is, quite literally, the core lesson of every healthy spiritual and religious system.
The more we accumulate stuff and the older we get, the more difficult it can be to expand our family umbrella, for our emphasis on safety, comfort and being right can become the lifelong achievement we believe we are entitled to.
- Justice, The Direct Way: Stepping beyond our personal bubble to advocate for a more just and equitable world. It’s about using our voice, energy and resources to help others (and ourselves) feel less alone and fearful.
Tell me if you like this idea. Given the animosity that runs rampant in the U.S. today, it can feel like a tall task to ask you to give love to everyone. Many appreciate the notion but don’t find it actionable. I get it. Me, too, sometimes.
I’ve come to this: just help the next person feel less alone and fearful. Or, just less alone. No matter who it is. For, at root, all of our personal, social, and global ills are rooted in the fear of being alone (more on this later). Our deepest fear is disconnection.
The gift of the (spiritual) revolutionary is to expose the intention of the ideologue who foments separation and preys off of the disconnection of their people. Crucially, the revolutionary MUST also provide a pathway for the alternative, not just point critical fingers.
If you’re digging the “I am Second” notion then I invite you to be on the lookout for opportunities to help another feel less alone. Hey, you don’t have to jump off of moving garbage trucks and gift re-purposed toys to income-poor children four days a week. You can acknowledge someone’s presence with eye contact and a small smile, or tidy up a public space, or compliment them on something non-personal (What lovely flowers!). Do it your way.
Bonus points if they vote differently than you.
To be second is to lose the need to be special or to be right.
When you embrace “I Am Second,” you can let go of the restless vigilance required to prove, well, anything. Your value comes from your inherent humanity and your capacity to nudge life forward. You can step into conversations with humility. You can be free from expectation or indignation or the need to prove. You can celebrate others’ successes without a pang of envy.
If you are awaiting an invitation to play the grander game, to join the quiet revolution, here it is.
We begin today.
Game on.
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